Once upon a time I decided to drive down to Austin, TX for the day and audition to be on a cruise line. "Oh really?" You may question. Yes, really. I decided to take a risk and audition to be a dancer for one of the most well known cruise lines of all. Now, did I think I was actually going to make the show? No, BUT I did have a thought deep down in my heart telling me, "You can make it girl, you got this!" So I went for it.
At approximately 9:07 in the a.m., I walk up to the door that leads to the audition.
"Hello, I'm here for the audition!" I say with extreme enthusiasm.
"Get in line."
"Oh, ok." I awkwardly smile.
I wait in line for about 5 minutes.
"Picture and resume." The lady states.
"Oh, here you go."
"Take a number."
I grab #104. For the rest of the audition, I am known as 104.
I walk into a room full of young guys and gals stretching their bodies to make shapes I didn't even know were possible.
I begin to stretch.
As I stretch, I look around and notice that pretty much everyone in the room can lift their legs over their heads while listing off their entire resume to one another.
I sit and think, "hmm... why am I here? I am obviously out of place, and have no idea why I decided to drive 4 hours to an audition I'M NOT EVEN QUALIFIED FOR!!!!!!!!!!"
But I continue to stretch and continue to wait.
Eventually the auditionee's are split into two different groups. I was in the 2nd group. (The 2nd group was the group that auditioned 2nd.)
As the first group is auditioning, group#2 is waiting in the "theatre" room. As we are waiting, I observe #111 and # 116 dancing to a dance routine they apparently had performed together once before.
"OMG, I totally rocked that dance #." 111 confidently states.
"Me too, gah we're talented." says 116.
They continue to dance and embrace one another and play with eachother's hair. (111 is a male, and 116 is a female)
111 says to 116, "Oh girl, did you see (Insert name) at the audition in LA? She was totally New York."
"What?" I say to myself.
"Oh, I know, but when I was talking to (Insert additional name), she said that she wouldn't even dare to perform in such a low performance show."
"She is so LA."
"I would LOVE to be in LA. I wanna be so LA as well." 116 begins to stretch some more.
After listening to this scholarly conversation, I move on to # 100 and 101. These two begin to talk about Ms. Nanton's 3rd period class.
Really? I'm here w/ high school students? Figures.
"101, listen to my voice." 100 sings for a little bit. "Aren't I good?"
"100, girl, if I was a girl, I would wanna sing just like you. You are so stellar."
"Any day girl."
100 continues to sing, and I continue to lose patience.
Eventually group #1 returns and everyone looks so happy.
I see #84 and ask, "So... how was it."
"Totally easy, a piece of cake."
Sweet. I'm thinking, "ok people, here we go, let's do this!"
We walk into the "auditioning" dance studio.
"Hi guys, I'm your choreographer, let's get started."
She begins to speak in words I have never heard of.
"Ok, after you bentshemla, then do an arabaqumoneo, then a Russian smithlow, and a triple bagmneot."
"huh?" I am totally lost.
"Now that we've done it twice, I'm going to split you up into two groups to perform. #100-111 please step up and perform."
Well, that's me. I get to perform with 100, 101, and 111. She starts the music, and I start to freeze. I had no idea how to perform what she just taught us. I tried to watch the others, but they were going too fast.
She then splits us up into groups of 4.
AAAHHHHH! Now everyone could see me for sure at this point.
THEN, she says, "Now it is time for the actual audition, you will perform in groups of two, and I need to see stage presence, talent, and technical ability." (All of which I did not possess.)
100 and 101 perform.
Great job guys, way to make me look horrible.
"102 and 103."
Then, it was my turn.
"104 and 105."
"No, don't make me go!" I think in my head.
We step up to perform.
The music begins.
I turn, then lift my leg, then shoot my arms up, then I try to do another fancy turn, then I freeze because I have no idea what the heck I'm doing, then choreographer lady states, "get off, and move, it's time for the next group."
Then I move to the end of the line.
I say to 105, "Umm... yeah, I don't know why I'm here."
He says to me, "Yeah, I'm more of a hip hop guy, I don't know what the heck I'm doing either."
WHY DID I EVEN DO THIS??????? I was just making a fool of myself. I wanted to just walk out and say, "I'm wasting my own time, and I'm wasting yours, why don't we just save me from further embarrassment, and I'll mosey on out."
But I didn't say it. I continued with the audition.
"Once more ladies and gentlemen." stated the choreographer.
So we go again.
I embarrass myself again.
As I was dancing this time, I noticed the choreographer lady looked miserable and could have cared less about my performance. She appeared incredibly bored and was ready for the next duo to step up and perform.
After the performances were over she called out the numbers for those who were called back to stay.
Before she called the numbers I was already packing up and ready to head back home for another 4 hours in the car.
"Ahem... Number 106, 100, 101, 97, 116, and 86. The rest of you may leave, thank you."
That was it. No other numbers were called.
Happy audition day to me.
I walked back to my car, hopped in, and drove 4 more hours back home.
On the drive back I realized that I had wasted roughly 16 hours of my life to audition for this well known cruise line, and all I got out of it was the opportunity to tell a story on this blog.